Ask Willie D: My Co-Worker's Bad Breath is Driving Me Insane!
Dear Willie D:
I am a female working at the same computer-repair company for three years with a guy who has the most awful breath ever. I do everything in my power to not get too close to him but it's difficult because he is my supervisor. He is the type who likes to get right up in your face when he speaks to you. Sometimes I turn my head to avoid being in his direct line of breathing fire but unless I'm at least four feet away from him it's just no use.
I like my job, but my co-worker's sewer stink breath is so bad that I'm at a point to where I'm considering new employment. What do you think is the best way to deal with this issue?
Sincerely, Repulsed by Co-Worker's Bad Breath
Grown folks with bad breath have lived long enough to be told they have bad breath on more than one occasion. So believe me, this is a fact that your supervisor is well aware of. From here out, whenever he comes near you, start eating gum or mints and offer some to him. If not the first time, one day he will reply, "What, does my breath stink or something?"
That's your opening; at which point you should respond in the most light-hearted, friendly tone of, "Yeah, it does." This may seem a little crude, but there's really no other way to say it if you stand to benefit from him continuing to address the issue in the future.
Here's another idea: the next time his birthday comes around, instead of pinning dollars on him or buying a gift, bring him a Listerine-flavored cake. However, you must exercise caution with this choice because if he doesn't have comedian's sense of humor, you will get fired on the spot. So make sure you have enough money to get by until you find new employment.
Dear Willie D:
Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of my marriage, so my husband took me out for dinner at a fancy restaurant. He was very romantic and attentive, paying me more compliments than usual.
When we returned home, I tried to take a quick shower, climb into bed and go to sleep without having sex but to no avail. As I lay in the bed on my side with my back to him I prayed that he didn't try to make a move so when he did it literally made my skin crawl. We had sex, but literally and figuratively speaking I was not feeling it.
The reason for my aversion is that for a long time he hasn't made any effort to love me like I want to be loved. I want him to be nice and take me out, but not just on special occasions. I want him to ask me how my day went with genuine concern.
I want him to tell me he loves me without me having to say that I love him first. I have voiced my concerns to him several times about all of the above but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. We don't have children, so there's no pressure to stay together for the sake of the kids.
I still love him, as a person but I don't know if I want a divorce or not. My heart is no longer attached to the relationship. What do I do?
Sincerely, Not Attracted to My Husband
Your trepidation of divorce tells me that your husband is not that bad of a guy; he's just deficient in the emotional department. Regrettably, he's in good company. Most men in relationships focus on the physical aspects of a woman's needs more than the emotional, which is most important.
We figure as long as we're good providers, protectors and can put it down in the bedroom, what's the problem? If we live long enough experience and wisdom not only tells us what the problem is, but gives us the solution.
Since your husband won't listen to you, maybe he'll listen to someone else. Consider making plans to see a relationship counselor. If money is an issue, you can use one provided by your place of worship or a designated community center. It's apparent that splitting up will cause you just as much agony as it's sure to cause him.
Getting back out on the dating scene ain't all what it's cracked up to be. In this age of self-glorification and phony social profiles, a good man is even harder to find. Consider your options carefully or else both of you might come to know the true meaning of the proverb "You don't miss your water till the well runs dry."