Top 10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time

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6. Wes Borland
Of all the 90s alt-rock bands to be forgotten in the 21st Century, Limp Bizkit is definitely one of the most heinous. But let's skip all the nookie jokes and questions about what Fred Durst is doing nowadays and move straight to weirdo guitarist Wes Borland. You may remember the guy who spent more energy covering himself in paint and affixing weird lighting apparatuses to his head than he he did actually playing anything cool. And while we definitely have a respect for showmanship and want eccentric minds have their place in the spotlight, it's hard to pretend to be original when you're entire set is centered on meat head riffs in drop B tuning. The lesson: cool costumes are not a remedy for lame music.



5. C.C. DeVille

Of all the shredders in the L.A. glam metal scene, watching C.C. DeVille on stage always felt like we were getting a one-way ticket to Clown Town. Still one of the most egregious 80s cliches in the rock world today, the Poison guitarist was not just a douche for his playing and his looks, his behavior and addictions definitely gave him the reputation of being among the biggest egomaniacs to ever pick up a guitar in the 80s. And when you can look like the bigger douche when standing next to Brett Michaels, well, you deserve to be a shoe-in for this list. Whether it was stumbling around high on stage, getting in fist fights with band members off stage, his ability to be taken seriously as a guitarist is due only to the fact that the dude can riff for days. In this clip he appears to be so impressed with himself that he pissed his pants.




4. Joe Satriani
If he didn't come off as so quiet and low key,the god father of cheese ball 80s guitar lines might even deserve an even higher place on this list as the founder of the wankfest that is the G3 tour. Have you ever seen the world's most accomplished guitarists get on stage and ejaculate riffs on each other for hours on end? That's basically what this is. Aside from his history as a guitar teacher who instructed some of the most over-indulgent head bangers in the world (Kirk Hammett, Yngwie Malmsteen, Steve Vai, and more) Satriani is probably one of the few people on this list that can say he had a douchey song that had an indirect influence on douchey, award-winning music decades later courtesy of Coldplay. You may remember the copyright infringement suit Satriani filed against the band in 2008 over their song "Viva La Vida," which won "Song of the Year" at the 2009 Grammy Awards.Turns out the central riff in that song sounds a lot like his exponentially cornier 2004 track "If I Could Fly." Both parties settled out of court. One final note: Anyone who listens to his music in the car will automatically feel like they're in the movie Top Gun.

3. Michael Angelo Batio
In the pantheon of double guitar-playing riffmeisters, none are equally as spell binding and laughable as Michael Angelo Batio. So much so that winning the Guitar World reader's choice poll for the "Fastest Guitarist of All Time" in 2011 almost feels like an insult. Who else could they possibly have picked to even compete against MAB's lightning fretwork in the first place? There is no competition. Somtimes riffing on as many as four guitar necks at a time, Batio basically made an entire career on being a selfish prick who didn't want a rhythm guitarist stealing his spotlight. The next time you wanna laugh hysterically, check out the guitarists series of instructional DVDs called Speed Kills which also doubles as a manual on how to look like you just stepped off the Sunset Strip in 1984. Oh and when you watch him double teaming two shafts, er, necks on his guitar in this clip, try not to let your head explode.





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93 comments
Ktulu
Ktulu

wow, you truly are a fucking idiot.  No long speech pointing out all of your flawed thoughts could ever convince you of your own stupidity, because unfortunately for yourself, your head is obviously jammed so far up your own ass, you wear yourself as a hat.

bdimar75
bdimar75

This article pisses me off... Yet another installment from this new generation of musical wrecking crew writers who focus on (what they percieve to be) one or two negatives about someone in hopes to destroy all they've accomplished in the music scene. If you know their name and their music is being discussed then they were able to reach people. They had the balls to put their music out there for everyone to judge and they succeeded. I'm so sick and tired of these shallow writers that feel they can tell the world what isn't cool with their expanded vocabulary in hopes of getting some notoriety. Every musician listed had incredible skills they sacrificed most of their lives to attain. Because they believed in themselves. And they reached people enough to become household names. To condemn them is condemning in some small part everyone who bought their album or appreciated their work. Which in my opinion is more testament to this writers inability to understand our culture over the decades than him actually having anything enlightening to write about.

Anon
Anon

Oh it started off so well. But no. Maybe Vai is a little arrogant, but he's not in the realm of douche as the others, and Satriani is definitely not a douche. Where the hell is Kirk Hammett?

Aric Villarreal
Aric Villarreal

I saw Vai at the Sun Theatre (that's how it's spelled...talk about douchey!) on a date back in '99. It was fun, but I don't remember any of the songs because it was, well, a wankfest.

Bradley Drex McCollum
Bradley Drex McCollum

Yeah Josh it's old. Seems part of Voice Medias business model is to fire writers and just regurgitate the same crap articles over and over.

Josh English
Josh English

Didn't you have this same story, two or three years ago, with the same pic? ;-)

Will Roland
Will Roland

John Mayer...an "accomplished jazz zzz shredder"? I think not. Every time some mediocre pop guitar icon picks up an L5 all of a sudden he's a jazz virtuoso. Please.

Wendy De La Puente
Wendy De La Puente

Not saying he is not a great guitarist. Just a douche. This article doesn't seem to care about talent.

Ron Jessurun
Ron Jessurun

DGPD! New song title! Hahaha! I'm a guitarist and actually agree with most of these, but a few are real talents, c'mon! Funny article though!

Trooper Hales
Trooper Hales

Seems like Dave Navarro should be on the list

Jaime Meza
Jaime Meza

Eddie Ivan Aquino-Cruz Osvaldo Gomez

Gabriel Torres
Gabriel Torres

Any pendejo from oc that played a show at chain and thinks he's the shit at his local HS

Darrin Miller
Darrin Miller

Sorry, OC Weekly, I'm a fan, but you missed the mark this time. This is The Douchiest Article of All Time.

Tracy Bingaman
Tracy Bingaman

Tom Peterson of Cheap Trick! If I wasn't 13 at the time, I would've whipped his ass!

Wendy De La Puente
Wendy De La Puente

Dave Mustaine...is one of them..I had a huge argument with that guy...why he bothered wasting his time I have no idea..but he was really drunk..oh yeah....he is a horrible drunk!!!

TMan11
TMan11

The only douche here is this blogger!

tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter

Oh someone that I forgot that's also not a douce. Walter Trout!

tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter

Two Words: Buddy Guy (and he is NOT a Douce!) Not in the slightest sense.

tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter

Let's see YOU get up there and do what they do. That'll show ya.

tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter

That's funny, look at the guy on the other side of him laughing as if he thinks that he's upstaging BB King. Yeah, Right. 

Berzerker37
Berzerker37

I watched a video where Vai flicked his tongue and then winked at a couple of 14yr old girls in the crowd. It was the sleasiest thing I've ever witnessed. And yes, he definitely thinks he's God's gift to the world. When in fact, he can only be taken in the slightest of doses...

slop101
slop101

All the butthurt in these comments is hilarious. All of them, ridiculous fan-boys, oblivious to the fact that this article is making fun of these guitarits' attitudes and mannerisms, rather than their ability, which are mostly exemplary. Bu I honestly cannot take more than 10 seconds of any of these guitarists' self-indulgent masturbation.

Gerard Iribe
Gerard Iribe

Nevermind, just read the entire article. It's satire. With the exception of a couple of cats on there this article is full of chorro.

Gerard Iribe
Gerard Iribe

So the title implies that Wes Borland is a douche? Uh, no.

Rafael Salazar
Rafael Salazar

Satriani , Eddie and Via are Guitar Gods. and Rhoads

Noe Alamillo
Noe Alamillo

No one can top yngwie. Not even steve vai and his seventh string. Dare to hum along to yngwie.

1wayfaringpilgrim
1wayfaringpilgrim

Most of these cats would do well to heed the words of Ry Cooder; "Someitmes the most important notes are the ones you don't play."

Heard Mentality
Heard Mentality

^^Word, papa. Thanks. It's been our pleasure to serve!

Drue Mitchell
Drue Mitchell

Heard Mentality you have improved my music collection, nuthin but mad respects :-)

Heard Mentality
Heard Mentality

^^ok, just make sure to read the ones we write, okay? I'm SURE you always do...just saying

Drue Mitchell
Drue Mitchell

more historical well researched articles on fact,..pretty please?

pasalcido
pasalcido

How in the hell did Kirk Hammett not make this list. Although I will concede there are some pretty big douches on this list if John Mayer only made the 10 spot.

Rafael Salazar
Rafael Salazar

the hair styles were the best! That was brutal, I was laughing the whole time. there is a lot of hatin' goin on..

Chris Kennedy
Chris Kennedy

Dan Palmer , Wes Borland & John Mayer are the ONLY 2 on this list I could listen to..lol. Now to get you on the list...

Dan Palmer
Dan Palmer

I love all these guitarists except for Wes Borland and John Mayer. Esteban is the best!!

jwjohnson514
jwjohnson514

Where the fuck is Ted Nugent on this list?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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