Our CliffsNotes Version of the 2013 Grammy Awards

Categories: Grammys
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Jena Ardell
So everyone's talking about the Grammys, and you didn't watch [it all] last night. Well, slacker, here's a little guide to get you by so you can join the conversation. Be sure to check the complete winners' list on page two.
Our favorite moments:
-Nate Ruess (from the band fun.) pulling a Forrest Gump by saying he needed to pee on national television during his acceptance speech. We think he should have at least scurried offstage to be more theatrical.
-Prince sauntering onstage wearing his signature dark glasses and carrying a cane. (He looked like a blind man.) We really enjoyed watching the celeb-filled audience cream their pants when they saw him.
-Kelly Clarkson's acceptance speech; it sounded akin to something Britney Spears would say after a night of dancing on a bar: "Miguel, I don't know who the hell you are, but we need to sing together. I mean, good god, that was the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen. What? Anyway, thank you so much . . ." [actual Clarkson quotation].
-Taylor Swift won our Most Enthusiastic Spectator Award. She was dancing in her seat all night long and singing along with the performers. How refreshingly obnoxious.
Bruno Mars' confirming what we thought all along: He is the estranged son of Michael Jackson and Sting.
-Jay-Z keeping it classy by drinking Cognac from his Grammy:
jayz drank.jpg

Best tweets from musicians/celebs/plebs during the show:

Dave Navarro @DaveNavarro
Yes, please. RT @Ash_Aus2323: #Grammys start soon . . . who wants Taylor
Swift shoved down their throat?

Juliette Lewis @JulietteLewis
Holy shit Walking on the moon segue Im havin an eargasm right now!!
Shut the front door!! #Sting #BrunoMars #Grammys

Aimee Mann ‏@aimeemann
Katy Perry saying, "Take that, Bon Iver" was pretty funny, I have to admit. #Grammys

Katy Perry ‏@katyperry
RT @betneywhitsy: I bet you $10 @JohnMayer and @rickyvanveen wrote that "Take that, Bon Iver" joke.

Juliette Lewis ‏@JulietteLewis
Prince. #cane #royalty #lipgloss #Grammys #OMG

dıpןo ‏@diplo
Smokin that mylee cyrus with these grammy seat fillers next to mcdonalds

Juliette Lewis ‏@JulietteLewis
Ok new drinking game.. Take a sip every time #LLCoolJ licks his lips! #grammys

dıpןo ‏@diplo
Taylor swifts siamese twin backup dancers scarin me

SPIN ‏@SPINmagazine
LL Cool J, Chuck D, Travis Barker, Z-Trip, and Tom Morello doing right what every rap-rock band did wrong from 1994-2003. #SPINGrammys

98-7 FM @987LA 
Jay-Z just mouthed "you're welcome" to fun. #wesawthat

Dan Kanter ‏@dankanter
Favorite part was when they turned off the "end your speech" music for Jay-Z. No one stops him from talking!

Mikey ‏@KrunkedRobot
I hope LL Cool J's Momma tells him to knockout the Grammy writers.

Complete winners' list . . .

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