Top 10 Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender

Categories: douchebaggery

bartender is a bitch.jpg
Quinn Anya
Defacing the bar will not get you your drink faster, FYI.
4. Be in a local band that draws no one, then don't tip. If you're in a touring band and no one is at the show, I don't blame you for not tipping on any free drinks you may get. You're traveling and broke, but you aren't going to pass on free drinks, and I understand you mean no disrespect. But local bands don't have any excuse to stiff the bar staff. You aren't roughing it out on the road. You just came from your house, where you had a shower and good meal, and judging by that sweet Crate Blue Voodoo full stack onstage, you have some kind of employment. Hell, you're likely even an industry schmuck like me. And if you're in a local band that drew absolutely no one to the show, you should tip like crazy because I'm not making a dime off all the people who didn't come see your crappy band. At least the only other audience member, the sound guy, is getting a decent hourly wage. You're just wasting my time, really. But tip me half-decently, and I'll even humor you and say, "Yeah, I don't know where everyone is tonight. Wicked is at the Fox, and it rained three days ago, so that must be it."

3. Ask me to hook you up.
All the booze here costs money. I'm not stealing from the bar just because you asked me to. This also goes for free birthday shots (is that actually a thing anywhere?) and asking for "light ice" to get more booze. You want something? Sorry, gotta pay for it. That's great that it's your birthday or you're offering a fat tip, but I'm not risking my job for you. Also, anyone who says "fat tip" instantly gets crowned King of the Dorks.

2. Ask me if I want to buy a CD from your band.
I don't. It may come as a surprise, but I'm actually trying to make money here, not spend it on some local band's CDR. Do you think I got this job because I'm a huge fan and couldn't wait to see your band? Or maybe I was just stuck behind the bar so I couldn't make it over to the merch table and you're saving me the trip? If I like your band enough to buy a CD, I will ask for one. Also, don't ask me what I thought about your set unless you want an honest opinion, which you don't. Venue bartenders have to sit through anywhere from five to 50 bands' sets per week, depending on where they work. We most likely weren't even paying attention when you played.

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