Holy Ship!! Day One: A Surprise Guest Whose Name Rhymes With Drillex
*Full S.S. Coachella coverage
12 p.m.: Arrive at Port Everglades to a long line of folks waiting to board the ship, most of them wearing sailor caps. "Is this the rowdiest cruise crowd you've seen in a while?" I ask the man checking me in. "Oh no," he says with a wink, "we do nude cruises that are a lot crazier." Moving on.
2 p.m.: Wander through the ship and find a casino, the pool, each of the five clubs where music will do down, the cafeteria and an arcade. I don't know it now, but twelve hours from now I'll be back in this room playing Cruis'n USA.
3 p.m.: At the bar on the pool deck, the guy standing next to me buys $500 worth of drink tickets. "It," he announces to no one in particular, "is fucking on."
4 p.m.: The guys from Justice walk through, both eating ice cream cones.
4:30 p.m.: There are seven dudes in a hot tub, and another guy is standing above them taking turns pouring Coors Light into each of their mouths. His aim isn't great. Note to self: Hot Tub is full of Coors Light. Stay out of hot tub.
5 p.m.: Everyone on board assembles for the required fire drill, during which we are all required to put on our life preservers. A group of women next to me contemplate if they can wear theirs out tonight. "We wouldn't even have to wear shirts underneath!"
6 p.m.: Down in the cafeteria, a 24-hour buffet serves salads, pasta, pizza, a token vegan dish, Jell-O salad and other various munchies. A girl in a neon-pink bikini sits at a table with three hotdogs on her plate, which seems risky.
7 p.m.: Major Lazer plays the first set of the trip as the ship leaves the port. "Are you guys ready to take off?" asks Major Lazer's Jillionaire. "I think some of these people have already taken off" Diplo replies, as most of the crowd has been drinking for six hours.
11 p.m.: The lineup's "surprise guest" artist is due on-stage after Justice. "I bet it's gong to be some no-name dude that is totally going to tear it up" conjectures a young man from Winnipeg. What he can't see is that Skrillex is on-stage crouched behind a table, rocking out to the "Bang the Gong" sample that Justice is dropping.