Aries Spears Plays a Disgusting Game of "Would You Rather"

Aries pic.JPG
I roll with the winners.

Asking Aries Spears a bunch of questions about his comedic skills is a little like asking LeBron James why he balls so hard. Really, what's the point, we all know he's fucking amazing. As a far as impressions go, the Chicago-born comic is damn near untouchable. Seriously folks, if you listen to him and close your eyes you really just might think you're listening to Jay-Z, DMX, Denzel Washington, LL Cool J, Al Pacino--the list goes on. It's the kind of skill we suggest you pick apart during endless YouTube clip searches of his past shows like Madtv, The Underground, Mind of Mencia, or Shaq's All Star Comedy Jam. Or you could take a break from another acrimonious week of Thanksgiving family drama and go see him in person at the Brea Improv. We're not saying that your drunk uncle isn't funny or fighting with your siblings isn't a blast, but trust, coming out to see Spears on the 21st or the 23rd- 25th will mos def take the edge off.

But since we had the opportunity to get him on the phone, we figured our time would be better spent playing a little game of "Would You Rather"-- you know, the fun party favorite that allows you and your friends to use totally unrealistic scenarios to divulge your darkest, most perverted thoughts. We weren't sure he'd go for it. But after plying him with a couple warm-up questions, he sure as hell did.

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OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): I won't ask you to do an impression because it's hard to type in a Jay-Z voice but, what's the impersonation that you're asked to do the most? And does it drive you crazy because you're like, I'm gonna do it when I do it?

Aries Spears: They really yell them all out you know? Shaq, Jay-Z, Barkley, they yell them all out. It doesn't really bother me because it is what it is. It's like a good problem to have. It's kind of like the hits. If people want to hear Ice Ice Baby you gotta give them Ice Ice Baby.

Ughhh I hope no one requests Ice Ice Baby anymore. Are you working on any new ones? And do you have to work on them or is it something that comes natural?

If I can't do it I'm not going to do it. As long as I can do it naturally it'll work. There are some new ones that I want to work on but nothing is quite ready as of yet.

I know you are pretty into the NBA much like myself so would you like to weigh in on Magic Johnson putting his two cents in about the Lakers new coach?

I mean, Magic is one of the forefathers of the Lakers organization. He's the reason that they won some of their championships. His word is pretty relevant. He's got to have his hand in a bit of everything.

I totally disagree but I won't hold it against you. You're a Chicago Bulls fan though right?

I'm a fan of whoever is winning. Winners don't like losers, they like winners, so I roll with the winners. They have much more fun at the after party. [Laughs.]

Ha! That is awful! You're supposed to stay loyal! OK b-ball aside, I saw on Twitter that you like to play a little "would you rather" so I thought we could play a quick game if you're into it.

Oh yeah sure! Absolutely!

OK, would you rather lose your penis or lose your voice?

[Laughs.] Oh wow that's good! Oh my god! Well, my every instinct is to say my voice because if I can't use my voice, I can't do what I need to do to use my penis. [Laughs.] My voice is what gets me action to use my penis! If I can use my voice to get it but no penis, I'm still out of it. It's a double deuce! Oh man! That is a very tough one but I'd have to say I'd rather keep my penis. Oh my goodness that is so wrong.

Who would you rather babysit your kids, Jerry Sandusky or Andrea Yates who drowned her own five kids?

Oh wow, you're very dark! [Laughs.] I'd have to go with Sandusky because at least they'd live.

Would you rather be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars or pass a kidney stone every day for a month?

Oh Dancing With the Stars all day! Sequins all day! Absolutely everything shining and glistening with all that glitter.

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