3hree Things: Riley vs. The Budweiser Chelada

Watch out for 3hree Things every Tuesday, where Riley Breckenridge, drummer of Orange County's favorite local alt-rock band Thrice, gives his take on life in Southern California as an OC native.

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In an attempt to continue the tried and true tradition here at 3hree Things in which I seek out (arguably) disgusting foodstuffs, ingest them, and write about my findings, I've decided to expand the breadth of my sampling and dive into the world of questionable beverages. 

This week, I go to war with the Budweiser Chelada


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1) What They Want You To Think It Is

The Chelada is wondrous blend of "the best of two worlds": the "refreshing" drinkability of Bud Light paired with the "unique" clam-infused nectar of the lycopene gods, Clamato. It's sprinkled with a pinch of salt and spritzed with a tangy niblet of lime, shoved into a shiny 24 oz aluminum tall boy, and rushed to a fridge in your local liquor store where it patiently awaits the glorious day when you pop its top, pour its majesty into your face hole and let it frolic in your tummy.


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15 comments
Maxime Vallières
Maxime Vallières

You should try our famous poutine when you come to Montreal on May 29th!

Courtney Allgood
Courtney Allgood

Oh sweet Jesus. I just laughed so long and hard that my face and lungs hurt. Thanks, Riley.

John
John

1. Your attempt at Cracked.com's satirical style was underwhelming, sorry your not funny.2. This beverage is also available in regular 12 ounce cans3. It's pretty good, open up your pallet and enjoy one on a warm day...it's one of Budweiser best selling specialty drinks. It's refreshing and has a little kick ( add in some more Tabasco if you like).

Dearprodigal
Dearprodigal

i think you will find that "certified colors" = do not drink.

for instance, another thing i am aware of containing "certified colors" happens to be mad dog 20/20.

i rest my case.

Elsee
Elsee

Always hilarious, Riley. Thank you for ingesting gross things & writing about it for our pleasure. Also, your lady is pretty awesome for still sleeping next to you after this one.

Reggie
Reggie

LMFAO!!!! This totally made my day! AHAHAHAHAHA

Dave Lieberman
Dave Lieberman

"Fermented afterbirth" is exactly how this crap tastes. And I laughed so hard I spat coffee on my laptop and had to do the spastic paper towel grab dance before it soaked in.

Drink a real michelada next time; it will not make you vurp clams.

Eric Reifinger
Eric Reifinger

Sips #2 and #6... so good.  Yeah, I have no idea how people drink that shit.

ahouston32
ahouston32

So Riley, after all that, would you rather drink another Chelada or eat another Carl's Jr. loaded breakfast burrito?

Adam Metcalf
Adam Metcalf

"SIP #2: I'd imagine this is the closest a person can get to performing cunnilingus on a dead mermaid." Possibly my new favorite quote. 

Riley
Riley

1) My not funny? I don't get it.2) Don't care.3) You're wrong.3b) Thanks for wasting you time reading an commenting.

Charlie
Charlie

Congratulations on one-upping Riley. Characterizing this crap as "one of Budweiser best selling specialty drinks" is even less appealing than fermented afterbirth. 

It is a relief to find out they are available in 12 oz. cans, though. Maybe I'll take your advice and give it another chance on a warm day with a little extra Tabasco to spice up Budweiser's trademark watered down skunky piss flavor.

LORENZA
LORENZA

@facebook-3603863:disqus my fŕiënd'ṡ sṫëp-aunṫ makës $68 an ħôüŕ ôn ṫhë ċômpüṫëŕ. ṡħë ħas bëen laid ôff Fôŕ 6 mônṫhs büṫ Laṡṫ mônṫh hëŕ ṗaỳ ċheċĸ waṡ $16957 jüṡť wōŕĸing on ťhe ćōmṗuťeŕ Fōŕ a feẃ hōuŕṡ. Heŕe'ṡ ťhe ṡiṫe ṫō ŕead mōŕe..MakeCash2.com

Ken
Ken

YES! A thousand times, YES!

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