Machine Wash Warm: A Collaborative e-Book Featuring Writers Including Thrice's Riley Breckenridge

While we can't post an excerpt of Breckenridge's story here (it will appear on Flipcollective soon enough), we direct you to his other non-3hree Things writing, which is, as you'd expect, really, really funny. Here's an excerpt of "The Unbearable Lameness of Being," about cotillion class the Thrice drummer had to attend as a young 'un.

Cotillion's worthlessness didn't end there though. Between sessions of stumbling through the cha-cha and battling an adolescent case of butt butter, we were taught manners, another "skill" I've retained very little of. I still can't tell you which fork is for salad and which is for the entrée. And my lessons on how to be a "gentleman" (opening the door for a lady, pulling your date's chair out for her and waiting until she sits down, etc.) haven't been as beneficial as my parents (or my girlfriend's parents) had probably hoped. More often than not, when I've held a door open for a woman, it's been a thankless gesture or been received with a glare, as if I've insulted them or treated them as inferior by being courteous**. And, mind you, the last time I got my ass kicked, it happened after I held the door open for my friend's girlfriend's friend, got called a "faggot" by a drunk steakhead in a Del Taco parking lot, stood up for myself, got sucker punched by the steakhead's friend, and woke up in the back of an ambulance on my way to the hospital for extensive brain testing (with no health insurance at the time).  Thanks, cotillion!