3hree Things: Random Thoughts About The 2012 Grammys

Watch out for 3hree Things (usually) every Tuesday, where Riley Breckenridge, drummer of Orange County's favorite local alt-rock band Thrice, gives his take on life in Southern California as an OC native.

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Because a column that usually runs on Tuesdays should run on a Monday. Because the Grammys weren't spoiled at all* by airing them live on the East Coast while those of us who live a mere 45 minutes from where the award show was actually happening had to wait to watch it at 8 PM PST. Because wall-to-wall Grammy coverage hasn't bored the hell out of you already. Because all the memes haven't been exhausted yet. And because you care about a random brain dump by a musician who watched the show from his couch, has no "insider info", and has not, will not and will (likely) never have an opportunity to go to the Grammys**. Because we need more opinions like these. Because there aren't millions of them on Twitter already. Because the "close window" tab is right there in the upper left-hand corner of your browser.

That's why this is happening right now.

*For the record, I thought this year's show was one of the best in recent memory.
**And because I couldn't think of much else to write about.


1) The Red Carpet 

(As a Google image search will attest, I'm no expert on fashion [especially women's fashion] so please take that into account while you read the following bullet points.)

  • Robyn looked liked Dennis the Menace in a Princess Leia costume and a pair of Timberlands with orthopedic shoe lifts.
  • Fergie wore a what appeared to be tangerine doily, and during an interview with her (and her face that has been Botoxed to the point that she's only capable of three expressions; a) surprised, b) surprised and c) mannequin) TV Guide Pre-Show host Chris Harrison said, "You look insane!" I think that was supposed to be a compliment, but I took it literally. And it worked.
  • Flo Rida has a what appears to be a child's hand growing out of his right earlobe, and his lady (for the evening) appeared to have a butt stuck to her chest.
  • Nickie Minaj did her best Lady Gaga. It wasn't good enough.
  • Bonnie McKee wore something that made it look like she had flowing locks of golden shoulder hair. (If Golden Shoulder Hair isn't a band from Silverlake, it should be...Braxton Chadwick from Golden Shoulder Hair?)
  • Some Russian pop "star" that nobody's ever heard wore a sleeve made of guns. I think we're officially out of ideas.
  • Contrary to what the above photos might suggest, I think a memo went out telling the ladies that the disco ball look was in this year. I've never seen so many sequins. CLASSY BEDAZZLEMENT!   
  • The taller bearded guy from Lady Antebellum that forgot to button his shirt last night said, "We're here this year because we wanted to prove we weren't just a fly in the pants." When in doubt, just make shit up.

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