Hanson versus Kings of Leon: The Fistfight
You know the rules. An insult has been hurled, feelings have been bruised, and now a challenge has been issued. A fistfight will be going down after school on the playground, between the jungle gym and the swings.
In an interview with WENN.com, Hanson guitarist Isaac Hanson criticized Kings of Leon vocalist Caleb Followill for canceling the band's entire US tour last month for reasons including exhaustion and vocal strain.
Guaranteeing himself a flood of press during a slow showbiz news day, the refreshingly candid (if nosey) Isaac Hanson chided the Kings for "acting like a bunch of pricks," mocked them as "bad boys," and called them unprofessional.
The Fight Card
Caleb Followill (above) is unable to fight due to his ongoing bout of exhaustion and intestinal distress, or irritable bowel syndrome, or what folks in his Oklahoma hometown might refer to as "having a vagina."
Baby-faced guitarist Matthew Followill will also miss out on the fisticuffs as he was last spotted lighting fireworks in the nearby woods and doing impressions of gym teacher Mr. Foley for a delighted crowd of girls.
Bassist Jared Followill will be unable to spar with Hanson because he went home already to do his paper route and study for his Eagle Scout exam.
Representing the Kings of Leon will be drummer Nathan Followill , the hulking kid brother and, had the Kings been around in the 1970s, the member most likely to appear on the cover of Teen Beat magazine.
On the opposing side, drummer Zac Hanson, who lately looks disturbingly like the young Gloria Steinem, will be sitting out the fight due to the Kings of Leon's belief that it's wrong to hit girls.
Isaac Hanson will also be absent because kids who talk shit are never the ones who actually fight.
Keyboardist and frontman Taylor Hanson has grudgingly agreed to represent his brothers against the Kings of Leon.
Nathan Followill: A diehard Oklahoma Sooners fan, Nathan is expected to emulate his college football heroes by chasing Taylor around the playground, tackling him to the ground, and calling him emasculating names like "girlie man."
Taylor Hanson: Unbeknownst to the public, Taylor Hanson is a third degree black belt in taekwondo who has trained extensively in Thai kickboxing and Brazilian ju-jitsu when not playing music with his brothers.
Actually, we made that up.
According to Vegas bookmaker Antonio Calabrese, "Nathan is going to stomp Taylor's ass, and it's a shame, because Taylor seems like such a good kid. Maybe next time his older brother will keep his mouth shut."