Top Five Worst White Rappers Ever

Categories: lists
white_rapper_mc_serch.jpg

Nope, not MC Serch of 3rd Bass (as seen above)! His image from the early '90s is just a perfect representation of all things white rap: horrible haircut; worse glasses; shaved eyebrow; laughable jewelry; Jewish.

Picking the top five worst white rappers is like picking the top five smelliest turds. So many of them are so awful that it's hard to whittle them down to just five candidates.

Still, for you, I tried. Learn more after the jump.
5. Snow: INFORMER! YOOBONOSAYDAYOOSHOWMOOGONEBLAM! AILICKEEBOOBOODOW! Actually, what does he say there? One second, I'm gonna look it up. AH-HAH! He says: "You know say daddy me snow me-a gonna blame. A licky boom-boom down." You know, that doesn't make any fucking sense either. I'm not sure if babbling incoherent nonsense can officially be considered rap music, but Snow sure had that white rapper look down. He looked like the illegitimate kid of Bryan Abrams of Color Me Badd (yes, I had to look that up) and Pete Nice of 3rd Bass. Apparently, the early '90s was not a good time for white rappers or their hairdos.



4. TIE: Vanilla Ice/Insane Clown Posse: I bet you thought Vanilla Ice would be No. 1, didn't you? I thought about it, but I hesitated because I didn't want Vanilla Ice ever to be No. 1 at anything. Why? Because he lied about stealing the beat from Queen's "Under Pressure"! Because he had the worst look and style of anyone who came before or after him! And because he did a cameo in the sequel to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie! Still though, believe it or not, there are worse white rappers out there... white rappers like ICP.

Insane Clown Posse is to rap/metal (or however a Juggalo may label their "sound") what John Wayne Gacy was to teenage boys: CERTAIN DEATH! But what do Vanilla Ice and ICP have in common? They are both so bad, so laughable, that they'll be remembered more as parodies of themselves than they will be as rappers. Thank God. I'd hate to see a Vanilla Ice/Insane Clown Posse retrospective at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame anytime soon.





3. "Macho Man" Randy Savage:
Rest in peace, Macho Man. May you forever be remembered for your awesome eighties wrestling career and rivalry with Hulk Hogan, and not for your terrible, awful, really fucking horrible 2003 rap album Be A Man. Did I mention how bad it was? Do you doubt me? If so, click below to hear the album's title track/anti-Hogan anthem. I guess in his defense though, he did release a rap album at the age of fifty. As a wrestler. And a white guy. Balls of steel, Savage. And not just for those diving elbow drops.



2. The 1985 Chicago Bears: I don't care what anyone says, "The Super Bowl Shuffle" counts no matter how many black guys made up the 1985 Chicago Bears, mostly because the white guys suck so much that they ruin it for anyone on the team who may have had an ounce of funk in them. Did you catch Maury Buford (#8) wearing the hat and banging on his cowbell at the 1:45 mark? Holy crap. Buford might be the worst white rapper in history, and he didn't even have to rhyme once to achieve it! And no offense to any Bear fans out there, but I think Ed McMahon could rap better than Jim McMahon. In Jim's defense though, Ed couldn't throw a touchdown to save his life. I saw Ed McMahon throw a football once; it was almost as sad as listening to Jim McMahon rap.



1. Denny Blaze, AKA The Average Homeboy: Odds are either your friends forwarded you a link to this video, or you caught it on any one of the popular Internet clip shows out there (Tosh.0, which I want to plug because it's awesome). If you haven't been BLAZED yet, hit play, sit back, and learn why Denny Blaze is easily the worst white rapper ever.



Runner-up: Master P:
Yeah, he's black, but he sure raps like a white boy. "Hey, I gotta find something that rhymes with 'UHHH!' Oh, I got it: 'UHHH!'" Since 1991, Master P has been taking a master pee all over rap. I bet you thought that was R. Kelly's job, huh?



And to cleanse my Caucasian hip-hop palette, here's the video for MC Serch's solo hit from 1992, "Here It Comes." The video is pretty cheeseball, but the beat and song is quality.

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49 comments
Shady
Shady

I didn't know there were that many Snow supporters ON EARTH, let alone on one blog.

Matt_is_cool3000
Matt_is_cool3000

hey shady I actually lIke thIs group, but goIng by your crIteria I'm surprised you didn't Include wolfpac.ex bloodhound gang mc and close frIends of Insane clown posse. heres them destroyng the humpty dancehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

Bodicea77
Bodicea77

Justin, Justin, Justin. Snow was the damn ish. I'll grant you ICP, Vanilla Ice, and most of the others. Snow has a lot more credibility than Master P claiming to be 'hood' and his kid goes to secondary school that costs more than Cal Tech.

Kyle Willard
Kyle Willard

"They are both so bad, so laughable, that they'll be remembered more as parodies of themselves than they will be as rappers." I think history will show ICP as big as some of the hippie bands from the 60's and 70's. Your children's children may listen to ICP as classic rap. Wrap your head around that, I hope you lose sleep.

Shady
Shady

You're wrong. Mostly because I'll never let my kids or kids' kids listen to garbage.

D40-oz
D40-oz

SNOW?!?!?! come on that shit was awesome!!!! how dare you!

Deeznuts
Deeznuts

Snow isn't a rapper, Vanilla Ice and ICP don't belong on this list, and neither do novelty raps from people that aren't actually rappers, like the Chicago Bears and Macho Man Randy Savage. 

Insane Clown Posse is a great group - Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope are two of the best rappers around, and they're not seen as parodies, far from it. They're hugely respected for their underground success: their albums continue to be huge commercial successes despite NO MAINSTREAM AIRPLAY. Also, on "The White Rapper Show", ICP were shown as one of the most successful RESPECTED white rappers, acknowledged as such BY SERCH, and were interviewed for the show.

Not to mention that the reference to ICP as "white rappers" is inaccurate - Shaggy 2 Dope is NATIVE AMERICAN.

Shady
Shady

Heh... you said Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope.

Deeznuts
Deeznuts

And Chuck D called Vanilla Ice the Jackie Robinson of Hip-Hop. Public Enemy tried to get him signed to Def Jam when they first saw him rap. Ice continues to make albums.

OpenMindedPS
OpenMindedPS

funny thing about all these "Rappers" they all made money then any of you!

Kmkclown75
Kmkclown75

ICP puts on a great show, their lyrics are funny and goofy, and they have a great producer who keeps the music interesting and thematic.  Shady, I think you took the easy road on this one by putting them on the list.  I don't advocate violence towards anyone, but I am a huge ICP fan, have been for many years.  More interesting would be a list of the worst black rappers ever.  It is a bigger pool to choose from and the discussion wouldn't go the way of accusations of anti-semitism.

Shady
Shady

Trust me, yes they would. People will always find a way.

Although, good idea. Maybe I can convince my editor to do a worst black rappers list. Oh! And then a worst Hispanic rappers list, too! Mostly because I want to make fun of Gerardo.

Dudley "Booger" Dawson
Dudley "Booger" Dawson

Juggalos need to be sent to the sun by way of fifty thousand bottle rockets in the ass.

Debbie Rapture
Debbie Rapture

>"Learn more after the jump."

"Prepare to jump," you guys is stuck on.One-eight a inch?Sho, dats a cinch.But now I gots to ast you, mon,What specific experiences turned the average Weakly writer into a Web-ignorantMo-ohh-ron?

Shady
Shady

Martin Van Buren was America's eighth president!

paulyspooner
paulyspooner

But, these are my top five favourite musicians of all time! Besides, I've got it on good authority that Justin Shady's favourite musician is David Hasselhoff...

Whoop Whoop
Whoop Whoop

Piece of advise, never go to Gathering, you will be eaten alive by my Juggalo Family

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

Yes, because it's very manly for a mob of people to assault one guy (or girl...hello?? Tila Tequila?)! I may not agree with Mr. Shady on some things but I would never advocate physical violence against him. Grown up people use their words, not their fists.

Shady
Shady

Thanks, FishWithoutBicycle! I appreciate the common sense. Seriously.

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

You're very welcome! I always say it's better to agree to disagree. :-) And after a bit of soul searching, I accept your explanation of the "Jewish" angle. :-D  Peace.

Shady
Shady

Piece of advice: LEARN HOW TO SPELL "ADVICE."

arlo
arlo

Informer is reggae ...

Shady
Shady

Don't offend reggae like that.

Alexthepelotero
Alexthepelotero

How can you have a top 5 worst white rapper and not have the absolute worst ever!? David Faustino AKA Bud Bundy AKA Grandmaster B. More amazing than Justin Shady leaving Bud off the list was that the writers of Married With Children actually allowed David Faustino's alter ego on the show and that it was actually a funny running gag on the show.

better than you
better than you

whoever wrote this is a dumb house nigger or a self hating jew. R Kelly blows, but in your mind he sells a million albums  so he must be "da bomb" <--thats black people talk! :) In my mind it just means a million of people are stupid as fuck, Immortal Technique shares my thoughts

Mark G.
Mark G.

Wow. You're a human monster.

better than you
better than you

Not really, but I am smart enough to NOT be the token black over at the orange county weekly. fuckin tard

Mistalee
Mistalee

Sammy Davis Jr. was both. 

Bill
Bill

Instead, you're the token shithead in the comments section.  Well done.

Mark G.
Mark G.

Yet you're NOT smart enough to know how to use punctuation or spell "fucking" properly. Hmmm... the ignorance thickens.

Shady
Shady

While you two duke it out, I want to go on record and say that I am neither black nor Jewish. I would LOVE to be both, though.

Jah Galliano
Jah Galliano

Hilarious article --- I just have one qualm.... Joaquin Phoenix is no where on this list. An easy pick for a tie for first place, imho. I have to give you mad props for your #1 choice tho, never heard of him. Just straight up embarrassing!!! Lol. I may not be Jewish, but this article sure makes me sad to be white! hahahaha

Shady
Shady

Oh, Phoenix would have been a good one. Good call.

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

"His image from the early '90s is just a perfect representation of all things white rap: horrible haircut; worse glasses; shaved eyebrow; laughable jewelry; Jewish."

What the hell does being Jewish (or white) have to do with a person's talent (or lack of talent) as a rapper?

Shady
Shady

Oh, you're right. The scientific data I relied on for this article is flawed. I deeply, deeply apologize.

Sheesh.

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

I fully realize this is an OPINION piece, but you're the one who CHOSE to include the "Jewish" part. For what purpose?

Mistalee
Mistalee

You forgot "Two Live Jews," the seminal alta-kocker Miami Jewish rap group. 

PanicRapz
PanicRapz

necro is a white jewish rapper and hes one of the best mc's in the game

Shady
Shady

First, it's not an opinion piece. It's an admittedly ridiculous list that is based on nothing but dumb jokes. You're digging way too deep.

Second, the "Jewish" part was a joke (see above) based on white rapper generalities. Ever hear of the Beastie Boys? MC Paul Barman? Princess Superstar? MC Serch? All white rappers, all Jews. If you're reading the Jewish part as a dig on my part, you're wrong.

After all, some of my best friends are Jewish! HA! See what I just did there? Another joke.

Drock
Drock

Where's M & M???? The 8 mile crap!!  white peeps are funny!! racist and wannabe Rappers at the same time!!

ChrisImNot
ChrisImNot

Uh... The growing up in the ghetto with Eminem is true... There's video proof.

Most African-American rappers look up to him. Eminem also was responsible for helping 50 cent become famous, just like dr. Dre helped eminem.

Deeznuts
Deeznuts

Eminem may not belong on this list, but neither do some of the people that actually ended up on the actual list.

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