3hree Things: Major League Baseball Players Have Horrible Taste In Music

Watch out for 3hree Things every Tuesday, where Riley Breckenridge, drummer of Orange County's favorite local alt-rock band Thrice, gives his take on life in Southern California as an OC native.

scott-stapp.jpg
"Durr Durr Hurrka Durr Deeoodle Dee Dooo Hurka Murr Murr Hem Haw Durkle Doo..." -Stapp
Major League Baseball players have horrible taste in music. 

And before I give examples of just how horrible it is, I must post the following disclaimer:

I do not believe that I have impeccable musical taste, nor am I of the belief that my personal taste in music should be a benchmark for what is "good" or what is "bad," but for the sake of this column, I'm assuming that "we" (those of you that read this column, and me) are on a similar page regarding music, and even if we're not on the same page, we're probably reading from the same book, which means you'll probably understand where I'm coming from with the following 3hree Things. After all, we're discussing a sport and/or management and players that thought (at one point) that it would be "cool" to have Scott Stapp sing a theme song for the Marlins or beat a penis-softening Train song to death before every Angels home game for the past seven or eight years.

Also, not all MLB players have horrible taste in music. My former teammate at Pepperdine, Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Randy Wolf, is largely responsible for getting me into Slayer and Iron Maiden in '95, when all I listened to was punk rock, classic rock and marginally shitty hip-hop.

As a huge Angels fan, and in an effort to keep this local, I've noticed that we have a few players on this year's Angels team who have made some undeniably poor choices for their at-bat or entrance music this season that help illustrate my thesis.

Play ball....

1) Jordan Walden- Rob Zombie, "Dragula"

This is Angels closer Jordan Walden's entrance music. Apparently, it's the fruit of an extensive search. He was 11 years old when this song was released in 1998, and Rob Zombie hasn't really been relevant as anything but a film director since then. (Note: I loved La Sexorcisto: Devil Music Volume 1, for what it's worth.) There's a 13-year gap there that I can't fill in the blanks on.

I'm all for dusting off old classics, but White Zombie? If you wanted to take the mainstream-metal route, there wasn't an old Maiden track, or Sabbath, or Pantera, or Death, or Nine Inch Nails, or Slayer, or even pre-Black Album Metallica you track you could have chosen? And if you still listen to metal, there hasn't been a single song since 1998 that would get you more fired up to walk a leadoff batter and blow a save than White Zombie? I feel like every MLB player has a 60g iPod with five albums on it, none of them more recent than 2005.

2) Peter Bourjos- Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Can't Stop"
Before we get started on Peter's choice of tuneage, I must say that  this video is outstanding, and it's arguable that this is one of the better songs that RHCP have released since Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magik in 1991. That said, I'm not sure how this song, released in 2002, ends up being the choice of a 24-year-old baseball player for something that puts him into the right headspace before he steps into the box. I absolutely love Flea as a bassist, think Chad Smith is a phenomenal drummer, and have always been a fan of John Frusciante's guitar work, but Anthony Kiedis has found a way to make every RHCP song feel the same for over a decade. I just can't get into it, but (with SoundScan as proof) there are millions who feel differently.

With Peter's choice, I'm just wondering if baseball players are the kind of people who "just don't listen to music," the same way you'll run into someone from time to time who "isn't much of a reader." WHAT? 

I know that figuring out how to hit a an offspeed pitch, working out, and working on your fielding is incredibly time consuming, but is there really no time for anything else? No new music for those road-trip flights and bus rides? The best song you could think of came out 10 years ago? When you were 14? Really? (Sigh.)

3) Jeff Mathis- Brooks & Dunn, "Hillbilly Blues"


OH COME THE F--- ON. REALLY?

(a hat tip to OC Register Angels writer Sam Miller for alerting me to this.)

Aside from the mind-numbing, paint-by-numbers, contemporary country audio shart that this song embodies, there is a line in it, that says "Put on the SMELL GOOD."

Read that again. "Put on the SMELL GOOD."

SMELL GOOD is cologne (apparently). That's like calling a laxative POOP-RITE, a condom NO-BABY, or calling your food YUM-YUMS. (If you do one or any of these things, I hate you.)

This track is a paean to boring, mindless, tired country schtick, and when I think about it... it's actually kind of perfect for a player that has a career batting average of .198 (that's historically bad for those of you who don't follow baseball...Think: being successful doing at what you do less than 20 percent of the time) while somehow retaining a job on one of the "better" teams in baseball. Woe is us, Angels fans.

-------------------

In my opinion, there is so much great music available these days that it's almost paralyzing. There's almost too much to consume, too much to listen to, and too much to actually devote the time it takes to fully appreciate (the way you might digest a record of say, 15 years ago when it was the only record you heard/bought that week and it was stuck in your CD player for a month.) Is this really a snapshot of all these guys listen to? And if so, why is it so mind-blowingly tired and lame? 

If you were a player, what would your at-bat or entrance music be?


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30 comments
rey fox
rey fox

Baseball players are, by definition, jocks.  So of course they're going to have generally bad taste in music. 

David Frazier
David Frazier

My brother-in-law is 24 and all through college he walked up to "Machine Head" by Bush.  That song was not popular at all while he was playing...or since he was in 2nd or 3rd Grade.

Keith
Keith

I would have to go with 'Breakfast Cat' by RX Bandits, or 'Welcome to Bangkok' by Brand New but you would have to walk to the plate very slowly.

Randy Wolf is the man by the way, too bad I forgot to start him today against the Yanks

Ken
Ken

I like how you added the embedded link for the definition of "shart."

I'd use Jimmy Eat World's "Sweetness."

The_Dave
The_Dave

Hitter - Cloudkicker "God Be with Ye"Closer - Cloudkicker "Hold On"

Snrubrolyat
Snrubrolyat

John Fogerty - Centerfield. Just kidding...

Matt
Matt

Im sure someones used this before but Du Hast by Rammstein. Thats just me though. That would be for batting, I don't know what Id use if I was a reliever or something. Hmmm. Maybe like Limelight by Rush. Haha love that song. Thrice song?? Silhouette!!! Lol

Justin
Justin

As batting walk up music:My Own Summer (Shove It) by DeftonesorYesterday Don't Mean Shit by Pantera

As Closer:Smash Your Enemies by Hatebreed orSpill The Blood by Slayer

Great read! Funny as hell!

Jess
Jess

THIS was so great!

Joelz_6
Joelz_6

new noise by refused would make great intro music!

Ryan4VT
Ryan4VT

I'd go with Crossroads by Avenged Sevenfold or Earth Will Shake by Thrice.

Jason
Jason

I've always liked the idea of Coheed and Cambria's "Welcome Home" as a walk-up song. I'm pretty sure there was a guy on the Cardinals a few years back that used it.

Wahler1981
Wahler1981

Rise Against "Satellite" Perfect for stepping up to the plate.

you can’t feel the heat until you hold your hand over the flameyou have to cross the line just to remember where it laysyou won’t know your worth now, son, until you take a hitand you won’t find the beat until you lose yourself in itthat’s why we won’t back downwe won’t run and hidecuz these are the things we can’t denyi’m passing over you like a satelliteso catch me if i fall

David
David

If I was coming out, there'd be no other choice than Botch's "To Our Friends In The Great White North." That's like the best opening song ever. From the scream to Dave's non-delay/tapping guitar riff days...perfection.

Riley Breckenridge
Riley Breckenridge

For the record: I'd probably choose Meshuggah's "Bleed", Dillinger Escape Plan's "43% Burnt", or Cloudkicker's "%" for my walk-up music if I had to make a choice today.

Todd
Todd

Everything about the RCHP and Anthony Kiedis is dead on. Terribly melody and flow. Sorry to be a hater but these dudes haven't done it for me since the old days. Good post though.

Anthony Brooks
Anthony Brooks

Alex Avila's at-bat song is "I Got Mine" by The Black Keys, which is in my eyes reason enough to be the AL starting catcher in the All-Star Game. Fuck you, Yankees/Russell Martin.

Lex
Lex

Glassjaw - "El Mark", great intro music

Scott Heisel
Scott Heisel

I always thought Weezer's "Hash Pipe" would be a killer entrance theme. Sure, it's nowhere near their best song, but that opening riff and Rivers' grunting would really work well in a Jock Jams-esque sort of way.

hugo
hugo

Can't say I'm with you on this one. I personally like the first 2 songs (although in strict moderation). Neither of the two makes me think they have horrible taste in music. Very mainstream, yes. Facepalmingly awful, not really.

Scott Biggs
Scott Biggs

"Aces High" by Iron Maiden, if I was a closer.

Louwww
Louwww

I will now forever refer to condoms as No-Baby's

Donovanraitt
Donovanraitt

Personally, anything from "vulgar display of power" would work. I really think Slayer's "angel of death" would be much better than that god-awful Train song, though not very family friendly.....

seitz
seitz

Hitter: Black Nite Crash, by Ride.  Or maybe something by the Thermals.  Closer: Ghost Town, by the Specials.  

Train Sucks
Train Sucks

F*** that stupid Train song. My coworkers is a diehard Angels fan & he uses that horrible song as his ringtone. GTFO! "Hey, this song says Angels in it. I LOVE IT!"

Diane
Diane

grammatical errors aside, i love this. & i REALLY love this: "SMELL GOOD, is cologne (apparently). That's like calling a laxative POOP-RITE, a condom NO-BABY, or calling your food YUM-YUMS (If you do one or any of these things, I hate you)."

Don
Don

I'm a big fan of old Van Halen...

hugo
hugo

oh, Fat Waves by Torche. Or just Little Champion, that would get the job done.

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