How to Book Rammstein: A Cautionary Tale

Categories: LOL, Ryan Weyls, TV
rammstein.splash.jpg

Bringing joy to grown men who collect action figures, the German shock rock band Rammstein is touring North America for the first time since 2001.

Although they play a generic strain of industrial metal, Rammstein makes up for their sonic deficiencies with an outlandish stage show of blinding pyrotechnics, exploding dildos, and creepy fascist imagery that the band takes dead serious but the rest of us recognize as a bi-curious derivation of Alice Cooper's old shtick.

To mark their return to the U.S., Rammstein will appear on Jimmy Kimmel Live Thursday May 19, right before their concert the next night at L.A.'s Forum.

Aside from how a band that hasn't appeared stateside in a decade can still command huge concert audiences, the question we have is how Rammstein will adapt their grand, fiery spectacle to the punier scale of a late night talk show.

To find out, we made a few calls and obtained a chat transcript between Stu Wickens, a Kimmel production staffer, and Hanz Köhler, tour manager of Rammstein.


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19 comments
Elias
Elias

And who are you to call them "sonically deficient" or "generic" you faux intellectual?

Just another pretentious critic with a flimsy resume I'm sure.

PeeVeeBee
PeeVeeBee

Wow Ryan, really? Have you ever witnessed this band live? Let me tell you, I've been to hundreds of shows from Stevie Ray Vaughn, Pink Floyd, Marilyn Manson, NIN, U2, Lady Gaga, Metallica, Slayer et.al. and I have to say last night I witnessed a truly entertaining, crushing and amazing performance in Oakland, CA! This band live kills!!! Get your A$$ to the Forum tomorrow night, come back and redeem yourself with a review.

Nostragarlic
Nostragarlic

Rammstein is so much more than that.You must live in a vacuum to assume that opinion

Augentier
Augentier

Ryan Wels, you are a fine example of the American moron. Perhaps the epitome of it. Even if I weren't a fan of Rammstein, this would still be a poor and ridiculous attempt at humor. "Is he Jewish?" Are you 10 years old?

Coleman
Coleman

hahahaha oh my goodness, the stupid comments are like extra cheese on top of this hilarious article pizza.

Get outta mom's basemet
Get outta mom's basemet

 Fricken hilarious, pay no attention to the uber-teens peeing themselves over their fan-boy wet dream love fest. Anyone who takes Rommel-stain serious as a band deserves idiots as idols. I'm left to assume most of these infantile posters are 'serious rockers,' maybe even jugalos. Jugalos with giant dildos...now THERE is a concept.

Erica
Erica

Wow, they'll let anybody write a column nowadays. What a bunch of crap. I know it was supposed to be a funny parody, but for a parody to be successful it has to be rooted in truth. This was just a ridiculous, unfunny excuse to bash a wonderful band. And what was that Jewish crap about? Im a Jew and I love Rammstein and was utterly disgusted by that remark. To suggest that every German is an anti semite, because of a terrible thing that happened years before they were born is a terrible stereotype that's as wrong as anti semitism itself. How many generations must innocent people be punished for something their grandparents did? This entire article is a massive FAIL.

Rjheldmann
Rjheldmann

Ryan - while it's obvious this conversation was never overheard by you and that it never took place, what's more obvious is that you have no clue about Rammstein. In an effort to present satire, you come off sounding like a fool. Try harder and maybe you'll get that Rolling Stone cover story.

RJ
RJ

Really? "generic industrial metal...sonic deficiencies..."? You sir...go back to listening to Justin Bieber or something.  Dumbest article.  Honestly you had to bring up Anti-semitism in a fake chat too? No f'ing wonder the world sees us Americans as horrible people.  It's because of dumbshit people like you!

Sue
Sue

 My guess, the guy who wrote this is a pussy.  Obviously lacking in testosterone, metrosexual type of guy.

Yo, Dude, women like real men, real sweaty German men.  (Seen Rammstein twice.  Once at MSG and then at the IZOD.  Absolutely the BEST show ever and I've been going to concerts since '73!!)

Logan
Logan

Wow. This was one of the worst articles, on any subject, I have ever read. Where did you get your journalism degree? I take that back, you problem don't need one to write the LOL column on OC Weekly. Before you write off a band and in turn an entire fanbase, perhaps you should do some research on what you decide to blather about. I just saw them perform live in Chicago and they put on the best show I have ever seen. They played for over 2 hours and performed 2 encores. Within the last year they have won the Revolver Magazine Golden Gods award for best live show and sold out a 13 date North American tour in less than a few hours. Thanks for going to the old standby anti semetic route. As we all know every German must be a sadistic Nazi sympathizer. Rammstein is to blame for Columbine as well I suppose? All that being said, to say that they take themselves seriously was probably the coup de gras of your uninformed stupidity. 100% of their over the top machinations are done so with tongue planted firmly in cheek. This whole article was written to read like some hilarious, sarcastic lampoon, but the real joke is that it was published.

andy blakesley
andy blakesley

Rammstein does not take anything they do "dead serious"

you really think they decided to write a song called "pussy" in a serious light?  Or maybe its the giant phallus that shoots foam live, that must be their way show the fans that they are not to be messed with.

 

Patrick .
Patrick .

 Dumbshit article.  The chat wasn't funny and yes, you are a fool to consider a band like Rammstein generic.

Andyswmr
Andyswmr

You apperently know nothing of rammstein and your borderline sladerous statements of their act and fans is pathetic. "generic" industrial metal and act that are facist and blatently rip offs of Alice Cooper? I wish I could meet you in person so I could smack you for being so ignorant.

Mrs.Evan-Tyler
Mrs.Evan-Tyler

OMFG THEY'RE BACK IN AMERICA!  es ist über die Zeit!

Reh3
Reh3

you are an idiot. i saw rammstein in vegas and it changed my life. and i hate ICP. The guy who wrote this is surprisingly a slightly bigger idiot than you. listen to some real music you justin beiber poser POS. neue deutch harte is better than ANYTHING in america.

AndyBlakesley
AndyBlakesley

You know nothing of rammsteins fanbase apperently, as it is conposed of just about every type of person from every part of the globe. It's easy to bash on the Internet, if you had real ball you would come to a show and tell everyone they are fools wasting their time.

Logan
Logan

Learn to spell basement. 

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