Happy Jawbreaker Day As Well!
You see, Jawbreaker's final full-length--the absolutely-perfect-in-every-single-possible-way Dear You - contains a track called "Sluttering (May 4th)." The song, as legend goes, is about two exes of God, er sorry, singer/guitarist Blake Schwarzenbach, who bond over how lame he is. Or something like that. Anyway, "Sluttering (May 4th)" is the best song on an already amazing album. So good in fact, that those who don't like Dear You--and most didn't when it was released in 1995 because A. it was on a major label and B. it was "too polished"--regard the tune as one of Jawbreaker's best. Of course, time has a way of changing perspectives (I'm talking about you Pinkerton) and people now regard Dear You as vital to 20something heartbreak and angst as much as Jawbreaker's three other albums (Unfun, Bivouac and 24 Hour Revenge Therapy).
No one knows why May 4 has anything to do with sluttering, a term Schwarzenbach claims he invented to "give this state a name, this game a guess." But it does and we're all better for it. Except for the women, who Schwarzenbach says could hear the song "a hundred times" and it still "won't be enough."
In case you were wondering, "sluttering" means "as little as your little test." It's a tale that the women in question "won't tell the kids we'll never have." All I know is, the song is a burn of the worst variety, the kind only a bitter and perhaps angry man could write and I'm sure glad it's not about me. As someone who just went through a break-up I can relate to the sort of "fuck it" attitude that emerges once a relationship is over. It was difficult enough for me to know that my ex wasn't on the verge of killing herself because of my moving out, but the thought of two exes bonding over their experiences with me? No way. No thanks. That's too much to take, which is obvious heard in the song. Luckily for me, my ex ain't writing anything nearly as awesome as "Sluttering (May 4)" about me. Or is she?
So get out those Chesterfield Kings, kiss the bottle, talk to the girl two grades below who had a nose ring way before it was cool, kill cops and read Kerouac because today is a day not to lament the best band ever's 14-year absence (P.S. When's that reunion?), but to celebrate a trio sorely missed amongst kids who know a little too much to be into Rise Against, dudes like me who never saw Jawbreaker (I was a teenage hardcore punk who got into Jawbreaker literally the month after they broke up) who wish they had been at those legendary Jabberjaw shows and parents who saw Jawbreaker and wish their kids would turn down the Justin Bieber. Like John Reis says on Rocket from the Crypt's live farewell disc (and I'm paraphrasing here), if you ever feel nostalgic, just put on a record and Jawbreaker (and in Reis' case, Rocket from the Crypt) will be in that room with you. If ever such a day existed, today is it.