Ten Shocking Revelations from Kenny Rogers' Memoirs
Country music star, TV movie mainstay and lifelong beard farmer Kenny Rogers announced that he's releasing his memoirs this fall. Having scored an advanced copy of "The Gambler" singer's book, we present ten of its most shocking revelations.
Most of us assume that Kenny's face - which resembles a Mr. Potato Head spray-painted pink and outfitted with gleaming porcelain choppers - is the end result of multiple face lifts, chemical peels, and cheek implants. That's not true; that's actually the face Kenny was born with.
During a freak accident while filming a 1974 NBC-TV Halloween special, Kenny was doused with chemicals that fused his werewolf costume's mask permanently to his skull. Not until advanced surgical procedures were available in 2004 could the shaggy Halloween mask be removed and Kenny's real face revealed.
9. He's Bi
Rogers has been married five times, and not because he's yet another fickle rich guy who trades in wives every couple years. Most of his divorces occurred due to Kenny's insatiable appetite for the kind of men's-only spas reportedly frequented by John Travolta.
8. He pees his pants onstage at least twice a year
And rather than exit the stage briefly to change into a fresh pair of undies, Rogers maliciously stinks up the gold circle seats until the first intermission.
7. He's involved in the slave trade
No, it's not. When not singing Islands in the Stream at casinos, Kenny oversees a bustling network that smuggles foreign ladies into US brothels and peep shows. And he's proud of it.
6. He compulsively checks his IMDB profile
For the last decade, Internet trolls who leave snarky messages on Kenny's IMDB board have noticed a strange trend -- within seconds of mocking Kenny, a user nicknamed "K-Rock1938" flags the comment as "obscene/offensive" then posts a 3,000 word diatribe extoling the merits of all things Kenny Rogers.
5. He's covered in tattoos
4. He was pregnant once
Kenny was born with a uterus and fully functioning male and female genitalia, both of which he enjoyed using well into his 40s. After missing his period after a drunken 1984 hook-up with Val Kilmer, Kenny underwent a complete hysterectomy and settled on his male identity once and for all.
3. He's battled bulimia
And he was molested by a babysitter, he was hooked on heroin, he hates his mother, and -- oops. We were talking about a memoir by some Reality TV lowlife. Sorry, Kenny.
2. He loves "Jersey Shore"
Along with his Yakuza tats, he has "Guido Forever" inked across his right forearm.
1. He has a huge fan base in the Netherlands and Germany
This is actually true (in case you're a little slow, the rest of this article is not).