Alien or Abductee? Five Extraterrestial Musicians (Other Than Sammy Hagar)

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This week, former Van Halen front man Sammy Hagar claimed he had been abducted by aliens.

Overnight, lame jokes about Hagar suffering from tequila-induced psychosis flooded the Internet and open-mic comedy stages, positioning the laid-back "I Can't Drive 55" singer as buffoon of the month.

Far from joining that mob, we find Hagar's claims to be credible. The music industry is home to hundreds--if not thousands--of men and women who seemingly hail from other planets or have been abducted by aliens. We make the case of extraterrestrial contact for five more musicians, deciding whether they are abductees like Sammy or alien life forms altogether.

5. Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie: Abductee

Gibbard's drab appearance, pylon-shaped body and abrasively droll demeanor suggest he is the kind of condescending know-it-all who ruins parties with smug declarations of which band is relevant or blasé reviews of a film he saw at some festival 10 months before its release date (and how it's "only okay").

Along with giving him solid indie-rock credentials, such outsized misery suggests Gibbard carries within him long-suppressed traumas and rages of the childhood variety.

Too indoorsy for the Boy Scouts and far too literate for church, we can only assume Gibbard suffered inappropriate touching and probing in the next likely place: a spaceship.

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Bill Frompson
Bill Frompson

Aaaaahhh. Mike Love pontificatin',... man. That hat. Captain of the good ship Hell No.

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