Apparently, no one sent Maroon 5 the memo that we're in middle of a
Boob War.
How do we know? Just look at the cover to the band's newest release. It features a sexy woman erotically caressing her naked body with her two pairs of arms. That's a good start. But why cover up the breasts? Where's the cleavage? Can't you spare a little side boob? Doesn't Maroon 5 know we're at war?
Clearly, the band needs a lesson or two on what makes a good album cover (they should check to see if they can pick up lessons on what it takes to make a good album, too). That's why, with writer Justin Shady, we've compiled a list of 30 memorable album covers that know how to use boobies to show them how it's done.
Oh, and in case you couldn't guess, many of the following album covers are NSFW. And in some cases, not safe if you're thinking about eating this week.
Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins, John Lennon and Yoko Ono (1968): Leave it to Lennon to do "artful" nudity that takes all the fun out of boobies and people's junk. Pretty sure this is what pushed Mark David Chapman over the edge, not
Catcher in the Rye.
Electric Ladyland, Jimi Hendrix (1968): Pretty sure this is what Jimi woke up to every day he was a rock star. Sadly, this cover only was released in Britain.
Blind Faith, Blind Faith (1969): Time for controversy math, boys and girls. What does androgyny + underage model discovered on public transit x spaceship with phallic overtones equal? Give yourself a gold star if you answered: a U.S. album cover that just
featured a lame picture of the band.
This Pussy Belongs to Me, Rudy Ray Moore (ca. 1971): At first glance, the title and cover of this comedy album seem incredibly sexist. But the title is actually a direct quote from Christopher Columbus upon claiming the New World for Spain after he killed a tiger who was about to eat a group of indigenous women. Know your history!
Country Life, Roxy Music (1974): Amazing what a difference a few decades can make. In the 1970s, the image a women wearing a wet, peek-a-boo swimsuit was considered verboten. In the 21st century, the image is considered the lead item on the
TMZ TV show.
In Trance, Scorpions (1975): Just the first (and most tame) in many boob-tastic covers from the godfathers of German metal. That breast barely slips in there, kind of like when the head of a male underwear model's penis peeks out from beneath his britches. I mean, that's what one of my gay friends told me.
Virgin Killer, Scorpions (1976): "Did you look at that album cover? You did? Well, I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline's 'To Catch a Predator'..."
Small Change, Tom Waits (1976): How cool is Tom Waits? So cool that he is non-plussed hanging out with a stripper in her dressing room. That's pretty fucking cool.
Cuchi-Cuchi, Charo and the Salsoul Orchestra (1977): Apropos of nothing: Is
Modern Family's Sofia Vegara the new Charo? Discuss and leave your thoughts in the comments section.
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